I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So many bounce houses so little time
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
