Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize