Pants 0. Shit 1.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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