I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize