you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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