I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
