You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Randomize
