By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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