she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
