My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize