i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
