I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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