The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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