my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
