I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
