Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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