Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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