so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
