Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm getting married
To pizza
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
