So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
