i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
