HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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