I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
