i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
