I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
