she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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