Tell her she can't have a vagina
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
