Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize