Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
