I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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