so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
