wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
