where am i from again
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
