careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
