moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
