So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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