Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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