i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
