i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
