There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize