What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
