my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
