Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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