I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
