the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's the barista slut.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize