There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Blow job season was short but glorious.
40s are totally the cure
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
