i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
