I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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