sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
