you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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