did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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