No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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