yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
