WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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