I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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