Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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