WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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