So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
