Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
