i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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