i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
