I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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