I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I want to have your abortion
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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