This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
