I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
