True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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