Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He shit in the fireplace
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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